Sunday, August 29, 2010

Back to school! Do I really have to go?

Back in April, shortly after I had the baby I though I would be ready to go back to work in 4 months. That's a third of a year! At the time that seemed like a long time, longer than what everyone else gets for maternity leave. So why can't I be happy with the long 4 months I had with my baby!?! Why is leaving my baby at the daycare so hard? My baby is a third of a year old! That's old enough to go to Daycare. I had to take Jett to daycare when he was 3 months old and he survived!
I don't want to work this year. I don't want to be away from my baby! I don't love my job this year! Okay, I don't "hate my job" but I don't love it! I'm sure I would if I didn't have a new baby that I would rather be with. I'm sorry but my baby comes before my students!
So, now I ask myself, "Stacey, why didn't you figure this out 4 months ago, before you signed your contract?"
I know we cannot afford for me to stay home! Well, maybe we could make ends meet and it would be tight, if we didn't send the boys to a private christian school! Life decisions like this are such a give and take!
So, she goes to daycare! Midway through the summer I called 24 day cares, I interview 4 of them, and made several visits, even unannounced! I finally decided on the larger center type daycare! I just felt it was the right place for Tenley.
So, is Tenley were she's supposed to be? Is this God's plan? I'm doubting it all right now! I almost feel sick about leaving Tenley at this daycare and I know the fact that she was only there 2 days and then got VERY sick isn't helping my doubt!
I don't know what to do other than push my sad feelings of leaving her to the side, toughen up and PRAY!
AND pray some more because I'm pretty sure my only support right now is coming from God!

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